He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
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