she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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