she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
