I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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