Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
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