I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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