After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
