there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
you have to choose: penises or morals?
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Randomize
