dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
