loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Omg I joined a choir last night...
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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