would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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