Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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