there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
I need to align my fucking chakras
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
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