TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Randomize
