So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
