Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
