she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
