Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Randomize
