The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
