I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
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