Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
