omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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