Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
