Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Randomize
