apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
