I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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