Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Randomize
