Hey man sorry I got all grabby
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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