Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Randomize
