Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
