Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Randomize
