Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
