i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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