You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
i dont even know how to be here
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
