I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
I think I sprained my soul last night
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
