i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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