my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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