Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Randomize
