Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
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