I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
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