this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Shame - the story of my life.
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