8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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