I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
