what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
Randomize
