You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I need moral support for this bender
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I lost the right to judge tonight
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Randomize
