So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
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