new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
