guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
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