Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize
