allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
